The day this article launches is April 21st, 2025: My 22nd birthday. Just writing that out has me feeling slightly nauseated and on the brink of a mental spiral. I truly don’t know how I got here or where the time has gone. I have been trying to grapple with this idea since the beginning of the year, and I am nowhere near feeling better about it.
All of my life I have loved birthdays. Any kind of reason to celebrate, I am there, ready to go! So of course my own birthday has always been a production and the ultimate party. I will go on trips and throw parties with my friends, going all out in any way I can. I always love this time of year, and feel so special and loved by the people in my life. Every year in the past I have been so excited to get older and grow up more and more, celebrating the milestones certain birthdays bring: 10 (double digits!), 18 (legal adult), 21 (real adult!!).
But for some reason, this year feels a bit like a slap in the face. Maybe it’s just because the bigger milestone birthdays are over, but somehow this year feels like someone announcing, “Hey girl, you’re 22! It’s time to grow up and get it together!!” Most of my friends are graduating from college this year, and it feels like we’re entering a new season of growing up. We had our fun in college, and now it’s time to figure things out and decide what we’re doing with our life. My problem is I have absolutely no clue what I want my future to look like after I finish college. Luckily I bought myself some time, as I still have one more year of school left before I graduate. But the end is in sight, and after that day I have no idea where I am going next.
I know this is a very normal feeling for 22 year olds. Suddenly the world is wide open, and there is no longer a set plan for your life. It’s like standing on a cliff looking out into a huge foggy abyss: my whole life I’ve always known what was coming next, and where I was going. The school system sets up a direct plan for your first 22 years of life, and then you have no idea what’s out there besides this endless fog. The possibilities can be exciting, but the reality is I have no idea where to start. Everything is hazy, and I hate not knowing what’s out there or what is to come. Not to mention the pressures of this season- everywhere you turn someone is asking about your next steps or plans after graduation: grad school, full time job, starting your career. It all feels so abrupt. What happened to being young and enjoying your 20s? How am I supposed to enjoy “the best years of my life” when there is such a rush to get to the next chapter?
I have no idea what I’m doing, and turning 22 feels like the beginning of the end. From here on out, it feels like every day that goes by is another day I’m behind. Deep down I know all of the good advice people always tell me (you’re still so young, take your time, God has a plan, etc.) And while I believe all of these things to be true, there is still a practical need to start to save money, pay off loans, make career decisions, and decide where to live. Finding the balance between being productive and responsible while not stressing out and taking my time, is something I have yet to achieve.
All of this to say, as I enter my twenty-second year, I want to find this balance in my life. This is a time of freedom and exciting opportunities, but it’s also confusing, isolating, and overwhelming. The highs are high and the lows are low, but ultimately we’re all just trying to figure out what comes next. So from now on I’m going to keep going, taking it one day at a time, and validating my feelings the only way I know how:
“Yeah, we’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time!” – Taylor Swift, 22