Last week, I wrote about the 10 things I learned from being sexually assaulted and abused, however, it took years to get to that point. Here are 5 ways I healed from my experience:
- I did everything he told me I couldn’t do
This one was perhaps the most freeing and the most fun part. I had bright pink hair when I was with him (COVID times, am I right?) and he didn’t want me to change it. But then, a few months later he came out and wrote a song about me “calling me out” for not having my natural hair color. So, I dyed my hair back to my natural color and added blonde highlights because he always said I wouldn’t look good blonde.
I had a big fear of driving when I knew him, and he purposefully instilled more fear into me by lying that there were graphic photos of car accidents shown and that people left the room in tears. Last year, I decided I was finally ready to learn to drive and started taking lessons. It took 3 lessons before I passed my test and got my license at 19.
- Therapy
For almost a year, I was in therapy 3 times a week. It was a big commitment but it’s what I really needed at the time. I’m so glad I took the time to focus on myself. Once I was feeling better, I was able to go down to twice a week and now once a week. Finding a therapist who specializes in trauma is key.
Prior to my assault, I had done “trauma therapy” before, but it wasn’t helpful. It was mostly retelling my story and writing it down to share. True trauma therapy isn’t just about your story, but it’s the thoughts and feelings you have because of the trauma. You have to address shame, embarrassment and other hard emotions to be able to fully heal
- Music
Sometimes, nothing is more therapeutic than making a playlist. I made tons of playlists, one for every emotion I felt towards my assault. Anger, depression, bargaining… basically the whole grief process. I was able to really feel the lyrics and link specific memories to them and it was very cathartic.
- Sharing my story
I talked about this in my prior article, but to sum it up, 2 months after I broke things off with my abuser, I joined a public speaking class at my community college. We had to pick an awareness issue to speak about and I chose sexual assault. I shared my story, named my abuser and raised awareness. So many people were impacted by my story and everybody wanted me to succeed, which was a new feeling after having just been abused. Even if you share your story to one person, you should be proud of yourself. It’s a hard thing to do. By just sharing your story, you’re helping so many people and helping to protect other victims out there.
- Find joy in everyday
This can be especially hard in the beginning. For a long time I felt like I could never really be happy. Being happy was an emotion that was unsafe and I felt like he still had some control over me. I felt like I was being watched and would be punished for being happy. I look back and regret those few years of my life and wished I would’ve been more free. I also realize that of course I felt unsafe and if I had to relive this again, I probably would’ve felt the same.
For sexual assault and/or abuse survivors, the healing lasts a lifetime. Being violated in such an intimate way takes a long time to not only heal from but also process. Your body went through something really traumatic, give it time. Everyone heals at their own pace and it’s not a competition.