Trigger Warning: this article contains themes of sexual assault and violence. If these topics are in any way triggering, please take care of yourself, and click off at this or any point.
Unfortunately, as female college students, sexual assault is something that we are all far too aware of, and is something that unfortunately touches the lives of many. Across the country, campuses recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month, a time to recognize the risk, show support for survivors, and inspire dedication to making campus spaces safer for everyone. But, some students may feel at a loss about how to show their support for others, especially surrounding a topic that has been assigned so much stigmatization and shame from society. This article explains three ways that students can show their support for sexual assault survivors—not just this month, but every month.
This article is not meant to be a substitute for therapy or counseling. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. You can also reach out to the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 or the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386, or to your local suicide crisis center. If the sensitive topics discussed in this article are in any way triggering, take care of yourself and click off at this or any point.
Sometimes, Just Listen
While not everyone is equipped to handle therapeutic conversations surrounding someone’s sexual assault experience, the best thing you can do sometimes is be a listening ear for someone who needs it. Sharing your story with someone else takes a lot of trust, and if they are coming to you, that means they saw you as a safe person to confide in. This is why it is incredibly important to remain compassionate and sensitive when someone tells you their story, and just listen.
When someone we care about is hurt, very often our instinct is to do whatever we think we can to help them as soon as we can. Whether this be giving them advice, pointing them to support and resources, and even encouraging them to report the incident to the police right from the jump. And while all of these things are important to do if someone comes to you about their sexual assault experience, CampusPeak recommends that if done right away, these things may actually be overwhelming, and “come across to the victim as judgment (e.g., that the assault was their fault, that they did something wrong, etc.). In addition, these shift the focus away from the person who is telling you about their assault.”
It is also not your job to ask for any details about the assault, or attempt to define what sexual assault “actually” is. The survivor has nothing to prove to you, and asking for details and asking “Questions like, ‘Well, was it really rape?’ ‘Did you hook up with him before?’ or ‘That doesn’t sound so serious” shows survivors that you don’t trust or believe them.’” (End Rape on Campus) Questioning the survivor invalidates and minimizes their experience, as well as forcing them to think through difficult memories, and expresses disbelief. The best way to support a survivor is to listen to what they choose to tell you, validate them, and show that you believe and support them.
You don’t want to talk over the survivor, so follow their lead during the conversation before interjecting with support. Instead, actively listen to them. This looks like shifting your body towards the speaker, gestures such as nodding your head to convey understanding, maintaining eye contact if the speaker is comfortable with that. When the time is right, you can tell the person that you believe them and that it was not their fault. Additionally, remind them that you care for them and will support them in any way you can. Use this as an opportunity to recommend them to medical care and support resources, as well as reporting if they are comfortable.
Know Your Stuff
As a college student, it is important to be aware of what resources, support, and services are available on campus for those who need it—both for the safety of others, but also your own. According to RAINN, “Among undergraduate students, 26.4% of females and 6.8% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation.2” (RAINN) Additionally, college-aged women (aged 18-24) whether they are in college or not are at “an elevated risk of sexual violence.” (RAINN)
Because of this risk, it is important to remain equipped with information that can help you support others, as well as yourself. For HC readers at Merrimack College, our campus resources include MCPD’s Resource Page, which defines the terms sexual assault, harrassment, and consent, outlines both non-confidential and confidential reporting options, and provides important first steps of what to do immediately after an assault. Being aware of these resources and spreading awareness to others, helps to draw attention to spaces that make campus environments safer for everyone.
Don’t Shame for Not Reporting
Similar to active listening without interrupting being a great way to show respect to and support a survivor while they’re telling you their story, it is also important to validate their emotions and decisions following the event. This includes giving the support that they need to feel however they do, even if it isn’t what you would do if you weren’t in their shoes. As previously mentioned, our instinct is to immediately point someone we care about towards getting help, such as seeking medical care, compiling evidence, pressing charges, and reporting to the police. But reporting an assault to the police, while often seen as something that is expected of survivors, comes with a lot of mixed feelings. Medical examinations required for compiling evidence in a rape kit is often invasive, and recounting details during the report can often retraumatize survivors by forcing them to relive their experiences.
Most notably, the fear of not being believed by law enforcement, or even being blamed for the assault. Particularly if one does not report right away. According to RAINN, only 20% of female student victims report to law enforcement. Those surveyed who did not report cited reasons such as believing the police would not do anything to help, as well as believing it was not important or significant enough to report.
To truly show support it is important to acknowledge these concerns, and if you do suggest these next steps following the assault, emphasize that you support the survivor regardless of whether they take them or not—without shaming or guilting them. There is no “right” way to respond to a traumatic event, and “sexual violence is about power. Letting survivors make the decisions that are best for them is critical to empowering survivors to heal from their traumatic experiences.” (End Rape on Campus)
Advocate
Rape culture is all around us, recognizing and speaking out against it—not just in April, but all year long—is a great way to support survivors. But during April, a great way to show support on campus is participating in Denim Day on April 30th. Denim Day is an initiative developed by Peace Over Violence, “[beginning] after a ruling by the Italian Supreme Court to overturn a rape conviction because the justices felt that since the victim was wearing tight jeans she must have helped the person who raped her remove them, thereby implying consent. Following the reversal, the women in the Italian Parliament came to work wearing jeans in solidarity with the victim. Peace Over Violence developed the Denim Day campaign in response to this case and the activism surrounding it.” (Denim Day) By participating in this campaign, students “make a social statement with their fashion statement,” (Denim Day) sparking meaningful conversations about the ways we all can help prevent sexual assault and advocating for a safer campus environment for everyone.
Rape culture also effects different people of different backgrounds differently, so it is important to keep your advocacy intersectional. It is important to understand that sexual violence can happen to anyone, “regardless of gender identity, sexuality, economic status, race, religion or age.” (UN Women) This also includes recognizing how because of toxic definitions of masculinity (“boys will be boys,” men are more likely to be aggressive and cannot control themselves, the showing of emotions is equivalent to weakness, etc.) male victims of sexual assault not only face difficulty being believed by others, but “he may be faced with judgements on his masculinity or feel invalidation for his emotions after opening up.” (Texas Tech University) Supporting survivors on campus means showing them support and believing them regardless of their identity, because no matter who they are, no one ever “deserves” sexual assault.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many ways that college students can support and advocate for survivors of sexual assault and violence. That being said, it is important to engage in self-care throughout your advocacy. Remember that while you can support others, it is important to set boundaries, and be aware of and remove yourself from things that may potentially be triggering to you. It is more than ok to take a step back from your activism and invest in things that make you happy. It is also important to note that while it is important for such an important topic that has so much stigma and shame surrounding it to receive awareness, it is important to be mindful of the experiences of others and forcing others to tell their stories because of how these conversations can often bring up harmful memories for many. No matter what, support for survivors on campus begins by being a safe space for survivors to be believed, listened to, and validated, and awareness can start with every one of us.