Rejection. It’s an inevitable, painful part of life that comes around to remind us of our inadequacies. We’ve all felt it — the sting of being turned down, told “no,” or ignored entirely.
I used to run from rejection. Whether I avoided new opportunities or failed to branch out because I wanted to stay in my comfort zone, I look back at my younger self and wonder what I missed out on. I’ve encountered this uncomfortable concept more times than I can count, and it only gets more frequent as I grow older.
Recently, I’ve been busy applying to graduate schools, which has made me question my self-worth. The fear of rejection looms over every application, and it’s hard not to let that apprehension define how I see myself. Every time I hit “submit,” a little voice in my mind wonders if I’m good enough or if I’ll ever measure up to the standards of the programs I’m hoping to get accepted to. It’s a constant battle between staying hopeful and preparing myself for the possibility of receiving a rejection email.
Even something as simple as writing articles and having them published here on the Her Campus FSU website has been daunting. Writing with such vulnerability is challenging enough, but having it published for people to criticize and dissect has been a new experience for me.
It’s one thing to write something personal and share it with a close friend or family member, but putting it out for the world to see invites scrutiny that feels almost impossible to prepare for. The anonymity of the internet amplifies the sting, and sometimes, even the most constructive feedback can feel like an attack.
However, my perspective on rejection changed after reading a book that revealed a groundbreaking truth: Rejection is not the adversary we perceive it to be. In his 2015 memoir, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection, Jia Jiang recounts his harrowing yet inspiring journey of deliberately seeking rejection in a relentless pursuit to conquer his deepest fears.
Upon exploring Jiang’s concepts, I began stepping into situations where I knew rejection was possible. Instead of feeling crushed by it, I felt a strange sense of liberation. Each “no” was no longer a confirmation of my inadequacy but an invitation to try again. It wasn’t just about conquering fear; it was about embracing vulnerability and realizing that being brave wasn’t about avoiding rejection. It was about accepting it as part of the journey.
Rejection Therapy
Coined by Jiang and defined as ethically and legally desensitizing oneself to the pain of rejection, rejection therapy encourages individuals to deliberately seek out situations where they are likely to be told “no.” Although initially uncomfortable, Jiang hypothesizes that the more rejection one experiences, the easier and more freeing future letdowns will be.
Growing up terrified of rejection and desperately looking for a fix, Jiang crafted a 100-day-long experiment that utilizes rejection therapy. Seeking rejection every day by placing himself in unusual situations, Jiang hoped to conquer his fear and ultimately become a stronger individual, one capable of navigating discomfort with confidence.
On his first day of the experiment, Jiang asked a stranger if he could borrow $100 (Rejection 1). Although the stranger shot down his request, it didn’t stop him from continuing with the exercise. By putting himself in situations where rejection is inevitable, Jiang learns to disarm his fear and face the discomfort head-on. He recognizes that each “no” is not a failure but a lesson in resilience and courage.
One of the beauties of Jiang’s experiment lies in its audacity. From requesting to make an announcement over Costco’s intercom (Rejection 7) to being a greeter at Starbucks (Rejection 23), his requests are often over-the-top and embarrassing. It’s this ridiculousness that strips away the fear of failure. When people intentionally seek out rejection, they take away its power. It can no longer cripple individuals because they know it’s not about them — it’s just part of a game.
Jiang’s experiment also shows us that the more we seek rejection, the more we realize the true power lies in our willingness to ask. Whether it’s for a free hotel room (Rejection 32) or to make a sandwich at Subway (Rejection 51), the act of asking for something — not just waiting for opportunities to come to us — is a form of empowerment.
By the time Jiang reaches the final task, interviewing former president Barack Obama (Rejection 100), he’s no longer terrified of rejection. At this point, the fear has largely dissipated. The task itself seems far-fetched, yet Jiang’s journey has revealed that everyone should unapologetically reach for their goals. You never know what the answer will be if you don’t ask. While Jiang never did secure an interview with Obama, he finished his experiment with courage he would’ve only dreamed of 100 days prior.
Key Takeaways
Jiang’s journey reveals something surprising: The pain of rejection isn’t nearly as bad as the pain of never trying at all. When we avoid rejection, we imprison ourselves in a life of missed opportunities and deferred dreams. When we start embracing rejection, something incredible happens: We start to take control of our own story. We begin to see rejection as feedback, not failure.
We also see that rejection isn’t a reflection of our value. It’s a reflection of someone else’s opinion, perspective, or even mood at that moment. One person’s “no” does not erase your worth; it’s simply a temporary, subjective reaction. The sooner we realize that rejection is a human experience, not a judgment, the sooner we can start to embrace it rather than fear it.
So, what can we take from this experiment? Rejection isn’t the end of the road. Instead, it’s the beginning of something better. It’s through rejection that we adapt and grow. We gain the confidence to ask for what we want in life — whether it’s requesting to write an article for Bloomberg Businessweek (Rejection 42) or being given a private jet ride (Rejection 55). Rejection isn’t an obstacle, it’s an invitation.
What came as a surprise to Jiang was that not every day ended in rejection. Of the 100 requests he made, 14 ended in a “yes.” Some of the most notable include playing soccer in a random person’s yard (Rejection 6), making an announcement on a Southwest flight (Rejection 19), getting invited to a Super Bowl party (Rejection 59), and drawing portraits of strangers (Rejection 84), demonstrating the importance of always asking.
The next time rejection comes around, don’t step back. Step forward. Ask for something even bigger. Because in that “no” is a “yes” waiting just around the corner.
Want to see more HCFSU? Be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and Pinterest!